Lo Que Pica el Gallo

Hablando de lo que pica el gallo…formando un arroz con mango.

Someone Please Notify Ed Hardy

This post is totally a bit biased on my part, but I cannot contain myself any longer. Please, will the Cubans of Hialeah return all the Ed Hardy gear back to Christian Audigier! I like to call these men the Miami version of the Jersey Shore.

It would be horrible to assume and categorize every Cuban or, for that fact, every Cuban in Hialeah (or Miami) because it’s really not about being Cuban; it’s the fact that these individuals are come mierdas. I have been noticing lately that a certain kind of breed of Miami-Cuban men undoubtedly are beginning to wear the on sale cologne at Navarro a bit too much. This species of Cuban potential is usually sporting some white crocodile shoes or in rare occasions pumas, typically a tight Ed Hardy shirt even if he is on the hefty side (I love los gordos pero, come on) and some fake, white stitched True Religion jeans. (Yes, they are fake don’t deny it, I see the Valsan price tag.) I know I am not a fashion critic but I do research; it’s my passion and this time the results, well, weren’t so pleasant!

Case in point if you have any trouble pointing these men here is a list to narrow it down a bit more for you. He is:

1. Always hanging around una cafeteria

2. Always sporting some jewelry from la 20 y la 20, The strip of cheap stores on NW 20th Street and NW 20th Avenue in Miami, where most Cubans shop to get things to send back to their families in Cuba. (Note, I am not hating on la 20 y 20, there’s a great little restaurant out there.)

3. Always has a sidekick next to him, and his “bro-der” is usually shorter (just an observation)

4. Always starts his greeting with “pero mira que bellaza tenemos aqui,” or something remotely similar.

5. Works as an extra for Caso Cerrado

6. Just got to Miami less than 2 years go

7. Has an indistinguishable tone when he speaks in his present-day Cuban slang.

And finally

8. Matches his blinged out Ed Hardy T-shirt with the cross in the back with an equally blinged out belt buckle that sits over just the front tip of his shirt.

Now I know these assumptions are somewhat stereotypical, but unfortunately they are true….. because this species of Cuban Men or Miami Men (porque no todos son Cubano en Miami) exist and they are roaming around Miami without restrictions. I take a stand to always ignore or turn away from these gentlemen who yell out grosserias as I go into my beloved Sedanos to pick up some wine and cheese. I take a stand to always acknowledge the fact that yes, he is in fact not looking at my face but what my mother passed down to me.Though the one thing I give these men is credit for one making me laugh and whether it be the generation that just came from Cuba or a Cuban man’s midlife crisis, there is some beauty (and definitely some humor) in there.

As a disclaimer I am only 22 and probably have a long road ahead of me to learn what it is to be Cuban and learn about life in general, so if this comes as offensive please note that 1. This blog is about talking nonsense, 2. Everything I write is intended to make people LAUGH  and well, think after, and 3. I write on an empty stomach so most of the time I’m delusional.

About Lauren

I love Cultures, Cities, and Cuisine. My Abuela's flan is better than yours. I love Miami but my heart is New York.

9 comments on “Someone Please Notify Ed Hardy

  1. Juana
    November 16, 2010

    I’m a little older so if you haven’t heard these are the guys looking for the three C’s. Casa, Culo y Comida!

    • Lauren
      November 16, 2010

      I think I peed in my pants, I totally forgot about those very important C’s. Wise words!

  2. Lyanis
    November 16, 2010

    The truth comes out on an empty stomach… and while eating pasta at Rey’s Pizza at 3am. Haha.

  3. Lourdes Alonso
    November 16, 2010

    You are going to have a lot of haters in Hialeah, provided that is, that they know how to use a computer other than to see what’s on Facebook!

  4. Lauren
    November 17, 2010

    I love Hialeah, it’s just that these creepers are prone to pop in this area……

  5. Papa Scull
    November 17, 2010

    What the hell is going on in the land of OZ? Hialeah is not the Emerald City and you better get with Auntie Em because your no longer in Kansas Dorothy. WHAT THE HELL is going on with these “CUBANS MUNCHKINS”? Dorothy get those ruby shoes together and click them three times. There’s no place like home. Pack up your bags well be in Kansas when I get home in late November see you soon Dorothy.

    • La Cabrona
      December 6, 2010

      lol i feel you, those jackets are not cute!

  6. Melissa
    December 14, 2010

    I don’t think people should feel offended, unless of course they wear Ed Hardy shirts because, let’s face it, estan de madre!

    • Lauren
      December 14, 2010

      Took the words right out of my mouth!

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